Brothress Anita

Kless, Anita

And her Relatively Holy Jihad against the Tyrannical
and Parasitic Little Grey Space Alien Sex Maniacs --
Sex Attacks by these Clever Little Bastards simply must stop!


Feminist Says Sex Attacks by Space Aliens Must Stop!
Hundreds of Earth women rally against extraterrestrial brutality
by Tanya Broder, W:.W:.N:.

ACTIVIST Anita Kless is rallying women to fend off the new male menace from outer space. She's teaching gals how to avoid the fate of the horrified abductee pictured below.

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - Angry feminists are organizing to stamp out yet another outrage perpetrated by lustful male chauvinists -- sexual attacks by space aliens on Earth women!

Hundreds of determined gals are lining up to take lessons in karate, hear lectures on self-defense, and learn how to spot lurking Weekly World News aliens and their spacecraft.

They say they're going to make UFO abductions obsolete in America by the end of the century.

"We're fed up with space aliens abducting women and subjecting them to filthy attacks," said Anita Kless, 42, head of an action group called Earth Women Against Alien Brutality (EWAAB).


[Note: we have determined that Ms. Kless must be a Top Secret Government Agent as -- despite our very best detective efforts -- we were unable to locate either her or her Top Secret Government Organisation, the EWAAB. -B:.B:.]

"It's bad enough when human males assault us. We're not going to permit the practice to spread to extraterrestrials as well."

Over the past 50 years, UFO abductions have become increasingly common all over the world. Women suffer especially from these experiences, Miss Kless and her group believe. A number of them have even borne babies resulting from extraterrestrial rapes.

"We want women all over the country to realize that these terrible things can happen to them," she said. "and we want them to know what they can do to defend themselves."


"That's why we're getting militant. We're planning to set up groups around the nation to inform women and train them in self- defense. We're putting out a book giving tips on avoiding on foiling abductions. And eventually we want to put out a line of self-defense weapons like stun guns, sprays and high-pitched noiemakers."

How to Prevent UFO Abductions

The EWAAB says you can't elude a determined alien if he is really intent on getting you, but you can do certain things to make yourself less attractive -- and hopefully send him elsewhere for a victim. They offer gals the following pointers on how to avoid UFO abductions and rape:

  • WEAR YELLOW: Aliens don't like yellow -- especially mustard yellow and have never abducted anyone wearing that color.

  • DON'T DRIVE OR GO OUT AT NIGHT: If you must go somewhere, use music as a protection. Switch your car radio or boombox to easy-listening, Muzak-type tunes that aliens hate. Harp and zither music also drives them away.

  • USE A PROTECTIVE SCENT: Oddly enough, mosquito repellant will ward off space aliens. So will the odor of bourbon whiskey, which can be splashed on like perfume for alien protection.

  • NEVER, EVER, GO ANYWHERE ALONE: Aliens rarely abduct anyone in front of witnesses.

  • BATHE OFTEN: Spacemen locate most of their victims by body odor. If you're scentless, they will choose someone else.

  • WEAR PLATINUM: Platinum causes space alien appliances to malfunction.